Community Issues

Oh the heels of the publication of the 2008 Best Sex Toy Reviewers (on which I was flattered to find myself listed!), there were a few posts around the community lamenting the plethora of reviews and the perceived lack of “real” sex blogging.  These posts were pretty offensive, in my opinion, since they failed to account for diversity of preferences and drive within the community.  The “fact” that there are too many sex toy reviews is treated as a foregone conclusion we must agree with.  I don’t.

The value of the sex toy community to sex toy retailers has also been ludicrously overestimated.  Sure, it’s some free advertising, but I’d be willing to bet a moderate-to-large amount of money that the revenue these sex toy retailers see come in from sex blogs is but a tiny, tiny percentage of their overall revenue.  We’re not that profitable, so we should probably get over ourselves.  Is it good to only review for safe, sex-positive, feminist retailers?  Absolutely.  As a community, we should definitely be voting with our feet (or credit cards) on that issue: but let’s not pretend it’s going to make a huge difference or drive the somehow undesirable companies out of business.

I started this blog so that I could have a venue to separate the good parts of sex from the bad parts of sex (my ex) after a horrible abusive relationship that has already cost me years of happiness and will take more before I’m well again.  I started this blog with the intent to review toys, exclusively.  I find real sex triggering.  Does it follow that I’m less of a sex blogger because I don’t write about actual sex?  Or that I don’t blog about my personal life?  I’d like to think not.  But it’s the height of hubris for someone else to assume that they know what’s best for me to be writing about on my own blog.  If you want to write more about sexuality, go ahead.  There’s no reason that anyone else should have to just because you think it’s better.  Communities are diverse places, and trying to get everyone to do the same thing strangles them.

But anyway, I’m not going to be able to say it better than Epiphora already has, so head on over to her place and check it out.  Sex toy reviewers: keep on reviewing, and ignore people who think they somehow know better than you what should go on YOUR blog.  On the flip side: don’t like what someone else does with their blog?  Don’t call them “less”, just do something different.  End of story.

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  1. Girl, you just keep on doing what you’re doing. I love coming to your blog! Your reviews are awesome, and I could read them all day (I should know, I have ;) ) I don’t really fit into the sex blogger guidelines myself really, and thats okay. Everyone has their own style and preferences. I like what you do, so please keep it up!

  2. Beautiful Dreamer

    I absolutely love your reviews. :) Keep reviewing and I’ll keep coming back.

  3. Alpine Subdreams

    I enjoy your blog as well and agree with those above and keep reviewing :-)

  4. Well said.

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